Several months ago I engaged in an online debate with some Bondage Domination Sadism and Masochism enthusiasts about (duh!) their promotion and practice of Bondage Sadism and Masochism.
I ended up leaving the debate because the arguments they made were so ridiculous, I couldn't take them seriously anymore.
However, very recently, the issue of BDSM has come up in real life and in a place not too far from home. In early January of this year, the body of 27-year-old kindergarten teacher Noelle Paquette was found in a woodlot in Sarnia, Ontario. *Shockingly*, her accused killers, Tanya Bogdanovich and Michael MacGregor, were members of an online BDSM website called Fetlife. Their profiles revealed that they were into "rape and torture".
So much for BDSM being "just a fantasy", eh?
Actually, the argument that fantasies are just fantasies and nothing to worry about, has always confused me. Maybe I'm just an odd ball, but most of the things I fantasize about are things I would actually like to do in real life. From telling off my boss to winning the next Pulitzer prize, if I had the ability to do these things in reality, I would so do them in a heart beat! Same goes for my sexual fantasies. I fantasize about the kind of sex I want to have in real life.
But, again, that's just me... and apparently that's also just Michael MacGregor and Tanya Bogdanovich...
Because of this story, I decided once again to revisit my thoughts on the topic of BDSM because, as we can see, it is not simply a private matter. It seeps into the public realm and affects other people, like Noelle Paquette. And anything that affects the public, especially the female public, warrants some further discussion and examination by feminists.
Practitioners and advocates of BDSM, much like the pro prostitution lobby, try to make BDSM appear more complex than it actually is. They argue something to the extent of: "Just because it looks and feels like violence against women, it doesn't mean it's not feminism"
Yeah. I know. Seriously, George Orwell couldn't have written a better line.
To me, the argument is already over with just the mentioning the name of this practice: Bondage. Domination. Sadism. Masochism. To any person who advocates for a world in which peace, love and equality prevail, there is no place for Bondage. There is no place for Domination. There is no place for Sadism. There is no place for Masochism.
I mean, the argument really should be done here, but unfortunately, it is not. It is not over because for some reason, when it comes to sex, the same rules do not apply. When it comes to sex, all talk about peace, love, equality, etc. goes out the door, literally. Apparently, a closed bedroom door keeps out all past and future social progress. Why? You got me.
In fact, most of the arguments I hear from pro BDSMers just don't make a lot of sense.
And the best way I can think of to illustrate just how nonsensical these arguments are is to reproduce them in the form of satire. (I'm sure BDSMers won't mind me poking a little fun at them as a lot of them get off on being humiliated anyway...)
So, dear readers, I would like to introduce you to Kinka. She is a practitioner and advocate of BDSM, and her words are essentially a compilation of all the arguments I have heard from the BDSMers I have met in real and online life used to justify and defend their practice of Bondage Domination Submission and Masochism.
Hi everyone, my name is Kinka, and I would like to respond to all the feminists who are criticizing BDSM.
I would like to start off by saying even though I am coming onto a public forum to discuss my private sexual practices, my private sexual practices are none of your business! Didn't some famous Canadian politician once say something like, the state has no business inside the bedrooms of the nation. Yeah, that's right! So get out of my bedroom, you crazy feminists! I am so sick and tired of you criticizing my love of BDSM! BDSM has nothing to do with the oppression of women! Even though patriarchy has seeped into every other social space that exists, we have managed to keep it out of the bedroom!
The truth is I'm into BDSM. And the reason is because it's in my genes. BDSMer brains are just wired differently and you can actually see the parts that are responsible for this: in men, the BDSM part of the brain is shaped like a whip in and in women it is shaped like a shackle.
So THERE all of you who say we learn this behaviour from what we see around us! It's just a coincidence that in a male supremacist society it is mostly women who take on the role as the submissive or "bottom" in a BDSM relationship. I mean, I know that corporations spend billions of dollars on advertising because they know it influences people into buying their products. But this doesn't mean those same corporations, who publish popular books, produce t.v. shows, movies that promote gender stereotypes of women being weak and passive, have any influence on my finding extreme submission erotic.
Okay, now let's get to the good part, and ultimately, the real purpose for my writing this post: MY BDSM fantasies and practices!
As I already stated, I am a "sub" or "bottom" and a masochist, which means I get sexually excited by being dominated, humiliated, and having excruciating pain inflicted on me! Isn't it funny how if I said the above statement in a context that wasn't sexual, people would think there is something wrong with me? Even if I consented to having these things done to me, most likely, someone would intervene and try to get me some professional help. Luckily nobody (except some feminists) questions my feelings and desires because they involve sex ....
Although, I have to admit, one time I got a little bit confused about this rule that the bedroom is a vacuum... Once I had wanted to pretend that my partner was a white slave owner and I was a black slave in 19th century America, but he said he felt uncomfortable with this scenario as it felt too racist. I didn't really understand at the time, but I think I do now. To him, "race play" is off limits because racism can affect MEN too.
Anyway, I'm sick and tired of having to defend my love of BDSM to feminists who know nothing about it. You can't criticize me because you've never been involved in the scene. It's like, I don't go around criticizing people who practice bestiality because I've never fucked an animal. Or have been an animal. Whatever. As long as both parties are CONSENTING, what right do I have to say anything about bestiality?!
So my message to the next crazy feminist who tries to come barging into my bedroom is: The door is shut tight and you can't get in! You can't get in because once I close my bedroom door, you don't exist. Once I close my bedroom door, you don't exist because feminism doesn't exist.